Today's One-Year-Apart Profile comes from Masasa, who addresses our questions from her vantage point as a mom of two toddlers who are 13 months apart. You can read more from Masasa at her blog: http://becausethatiswhatmylifeislikerightnow.blogspot.com/.
Bio
"I'm a foster mom and a mom. As of yet, I have two kids who are sticking around for good, a spirited 4-year-old and an even more spirited 3-year-old. They are 13 months apart. My dw is currently a stay-at-home mom but is looking for part-time work. I work full-time in a field of family ministry and education. We homeschool primarily, using Montessori methods. We're into natural family living, environmentally friendly living, frugal living, and generally happy living. We're a family of 'water babies,' so swimming and beach sports are a big part of our lives."
1. What parenting advice keeps you going?
"When it gets crazy, first thing to do is get out of the house. Yes, taking the chaos elsewhere might be disastrous, but there is nothing more disastrous than being homebound when everyone's sanity indoors is quickly fading. We've been known to hop on the bus just for the heck of it. The park, the library, even the post office make easy destinations in moments of desperation."
2. What aspect of raising close siblings has surprised you the most?
"Realizing the degree to which I value adventure, and want to pass it on to my kids as something worth valuing. Maybe that doesn't have as much to do with them being so close in age, but it *really* surprised me. Before we became parents, dw and I made a list of family values we wanted to pass on to our kids. Adventure wasn't even mentioned when we made that list, but over time, I've noticed that adventure rates highly in my priorities as I make parenting decisions. I think that comes partly from feeling like I have been educated the best by my life experiences, and partly from the related value of curiosity. It can be hard, though, with the two so close in age because they want to do everything together, but often one is able to handle adventures the other isn't."
3. What's your go-to strategy for smoothly stepping out (for errands or fun) with the kids?
"Hmmm ... something I am still working on implementing that a friend of four closely spaced children taught me is to have a big storage box in the car (if you use a car) -- or one by the door with a backpack next to it (if you don't use a car) with an extra pair of clothing for each child, diapers and wipes (if applicable), jackets, shoes and socks, sunscreen, etc. This way, you don't get hung up just trying to get out the door. The idea is to keep the storage box stocked and just grab the kids and go when you need to go. I find the hardest part of any outings is not as much how the kids act when we're out (though that can certainly be very challenging at times), but rather how they act when we're getting ready to go. Getting ready to go out seems to trigger sibling squabbles -- and sometimes near brawls -- as well as whining, dawdling, hyperactivity, and total loss of focus. My friend has a much easier time, and I'd like to get to the point she is at with her kids, where she simply minimizes the time spent in that transition."
4. What most often causes conflict between your close siblings, and what works best to resolve it?
"My kids are in the stage right now where they are starting to need 'things of their own.' We've always held the philosophy that as a family, we just share. Period. Our toys have for the most part been household toys, and getting possessive isn't an option. For a couple toys, we've been blessed with duplicate sets, but for almost everything else, we are all about sharing. Sibling relationships are great for practicing social skills, and I think this is a good 'living lab' for them. That said, the kids have taken up the phrase recently of 'my very own,' and it seems like they have a need to 'own' something for themselves. So we're negotiating that new territory. I don't yet know how we will find the right balance, but it seems that balance will be necessary for the right combination of social skill-building and family peace. Oh, and regarding peace-keeping, one thing we taught our kids early on was that when the other is hurt, however they got hurt (from each other or from an accident), they should ask, 'Are you okay?' and 'Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?' We use this in place of saying, 'I'm sorry,' which often is not truthful."
5. What's your favorite way to escape the household chaos and recharge with some personal time?
"Sometimes it is my work, to be honest. I think I am a better parent when my kids and I aren't 100% about each other all the time and I feel more of a sense of work-home balance. I really enjoy my work. Then again, sometimes my work is a big source of additional worry and stress, and I end up just missing my kids. Prayer time is very special to me, and any time I can spend in the water whatsoever, whether with or without my kids. I used to love yoga but haven't done it for far too long. I tend to rely too heavily on time to play around on the internet to recharge, and unfortunately that all too-often leads to staying up far too late at night. I think I need to work on personal time a bit."
Like to be featured?
If you'd like to be featured in a One-Year-Apart Profile, please email me at oneyearapart AT gmail DOT com with a brief response to each of the questions above. (I suggest two to five sentences.) In addition, please send along a brief bio on yourself that includes your children's difference in age. (We will focus the feature on parents raising siblings 10-14 months apart.) Don't forget a link to your blog or web site, and don't be shy if you'd like to send a photo to include as well.
